I just want to share with you a quick summary of what it
has meant to me to becoming an acknowledged man as I share some thoughts that I
am just now beginning to understand.
Acknowledge: Dictionary.com defines as to admit to be
real or true; recognize the existence, truth, or fact of. Merriam says to
recognize the rights, authority, or status of.
So before I go one step further; I want us to have an understanding of
what it means to acknowledge something; to recognize the truth or fact, the
authority, the “right”. I have
discovered that in my search to discover what it was to be a Godly father, a
Godly husband, a Godly man; there were several things that I had to first acknowledge.
This is not an end all to the secrets of life. This will
not solve all your problems. But if you will acknowledge some simple truths; it
can be the foundation of what you build the rest of your life on. I discussed
three things a second ago; being a Godly father, a Godly husband, and a Godly
man. One of the things that tie these all together is relationships; relationship
with your children, relationship with your wife and relationship with your
Heavenly Father. I believe that if you acknowledge the next seven truths, you
will have a foundation on which to build your future as a Godly man.
Acknowledge your anger.
It has taken me nearly 20 years of parenting along with
20 years of marriage to get this one. You have to acknowledge your anger. Anger
is an emotion that will wreak havoc on every aspect of our lives. Anger is born
out of our frustrations, our disappointments, our fears…our anxieties. Most
times it is our inability to identify and then resolve the things that frustrate
and irritate us that will ultimately anger us. We have to be willing and able
to acknowledge the anger inside of us. It is then, and only then that we can
begin to address the issues, deal with them appropriately and move past them. Understand
it is ok to get angry; until we bury it, deny it, ignore it or suppress it. Anger
is the primary instrument that drives wedges, builds walls and destroys
relationships and it needs to be acknowledged so it can be addressed. In
acknowledging your anger, you need to understand that you cannot get full and
true healing from your anger without the help of your Heavenly Father. You need
to give it to God. You need to turn it over to Jesus Christ.
Acknowledge you need help.
As human beings, we are born with an innate sense of our
own superiority. We, some worse than others, have our own delusions of grandeur
and feel that we can take care of things ourselves. We need help. We need help
from friends, advisors, spiritual leaders. In some cases we may even need to
seek help from professionals. But in all circumstances, we need help from our
Heavenly Father. Seek earnestly in prayer and His Word for guidance and
solutions to the struggles and problems we encounter. Acknowledge your
limitations and seek help.
Acknowledge your faults.
You want me to do
WHAT! Isn’t it amazing that we all can spend a lifetime pointing out the faults
in others. We can pick just about everyone we know apart. Making a list of
others shortcomings is as easy as passing gas. Where we fall short is seeing
the problems in ourselves. If we want to see real change in our lives, real
change in our relationships; it begins with us. The first step to change is
admitting you need to change. The hardest part and the most important part are
admitting we are part of the problem. (Man this guy hits below the belt.)
Acknowledge what you cannot control.
Thoughts are spinning through your head. You are
searching for something better. You want to be the best father and husband you
can be. You keep thinking; “But they are just being so
difficult!” You need to acknowledge you have absolutely no control over their
behavior, their actions, or their feelings. So stop trying to
change them; you can’t. Stop trying to control them; you can’t. So now it’s on
you. Now for some more good news, you really don’t have the power to change you
either. (What?!) On your own will you can make temporary adjustments to your
behavior, but it will not last. The anger and the frustration will creep back
in. If you truly want to be a better husband and father. You need to ask and
allow your Heavenly Father through the Holy Spirit to change your heart. You
can try other ways, you can try it on your own, but if you want true change;
you need Christ. Ask Jesus to change your heart then allow Him to change your
heart. As your heart changes, so will your behavior. As your behavior changes,
you will see those around you begin to change. As you pray for them, God will
begin to work on their heart as well. (As a note, don’t expect anything
overnight, don’t expect anything at all! Just know He is working.) So acknowledge
what you can control. You control your will; you control your decisions.
Outside of that, you control nothing. You cannot control those around you. You
cannot control your circumstance or your environment. You cannot control the
world around you. And you certainly cannot control God. Acknowledge it. Then
surrender it; let it go! Control is an illusion and the more you buy into the
illusion, the more frustrated, and angry you will grow. LET IT GO!
Acknowledge your position.
I was at a marriage conference a year ago. On the third
day of the conference we were divided by gender and the speaker said something that
hit me like a sledge hammer at a carnival. He said that as men, we like the
verse in the bible that speaks to man being “head of the household”. He went on
to explain that on the day of Judgment, when we stand before God, it’s our
head. We will be held accountable not only for ourselves, but our wives, our
children and our household. That thought scared the “cocky” right out of me! As
head of the household, I will be held accountable not only for myself, but for
my family. Now I’m not saying we will be held accountable for their decisions
and their mistakes, but we will be held accountable for what and how we affected
their lives and their decisions. We have been placed at the head; we have been
placed in charge; we have been made accountable; we are responsible. Now if you
think that makes you dictator of your household, good luck with that. Love your
household as Christ loved the church. You really need to search out and
understand what it means to be a Godly leader. What it means to set the
example, to love, to guide, to love, to teach, to love, to forgive, to love, to
honor, to love, to mentor, to love, to shepherd, to love, to pastor, to love,
to show Christ, to love…to lead.
Acknowledge your responsibility.
Whether you like it or not, you have responsibilities as
a man. If you have chosen the life of a husband and/or father; your responsibilities
have greatly multiplied. As a man, you are responsible for your actions. As a
husband and father, you are responsible for your wife and for your family. They
are your
responsibility. To provide for, to protect, to encourage, to love, to lead, to
guide, to honor, to teach, to submit to, to sacrifice for, to humble to, to be
strong for, to cry with, to hold on to…their every need is your responsibility. God
has entrusted them to YOU! Like it or not, it is the role you have chosen. I
have to admit, a lot of days it is a role I would gladly surrender. But it’s
not the job of my parents, her parents, friends, church or the government…It’s
MY responsibility! (Even writing this causes an ache deep inside me!)
Acknowledge God.
If you are attempting any of this without acknowledging
who God is, how He works, what Jesus Christ did for you…you are truly lost. You
have to acknowledge that God through the Holy Spirit has made available through
the sacrifice of Jesus Christ; wants to be a part of every aspect, of every
challenge, of every victory, of every minute of your life. Invite Him in, let
Him in! Because there is one final truth that is present whether you
acknowledge it or not; the devil will always be there and he will not stop in
his attempt to derail, destroy, frustrate you, attack you, and anger you; all
in hopes that you will turn your anger on your family and then on God. Satan
will not stop, so you might as well seek the only one who has defeated him!
Paul wrote to be “praying at all times”; never ceasing, never tiring or
wavering, never doubting, never surrendering. I have to constantly remind
myself in the times I have; ceased, tired, waved, doubted and even surrendered.
But in all my weaknesses…it was then that he carried me!
This again is not the end all, it is only the beginning.
These are simple truths that have taken me nearly two decades to get and seem
to be common factors in the struggles for a lot of us. Most men I have known
have already acknowledged these truths or they are stuck. If you are among the
stuck; I hope that you will take advantage of my twenty years of struggle and
meditate on these truths; acknowledge these truths! Step up to an understanding
of what it is to be a Godly father, a Godly husband…a Godly man! I pray that
your Heavenly Father guides you, directs you and comforts you as you continue
on this journey with me to being an acknowledged man. Together in Christ; may
He grant us the wisdom, the serenity and His peace!
